Day 14: Painting, Writing, Being

Drawing my Lunchboxdiet dinner last night

Living with hypothyroidism can be quite tedious. I have to follow a 1,200 calorie diet and workout on a daily basis in order to maintain normal thyroxin levels. I also take thyroxin before breakfast so I have to make sure that I take my medicine and eat brekkie at the same time everyday. ​I was diagnosed when I was thirteen, and I am now thirty, so I am already used to it. However, I still have to design my life around my condition. I cannot take graveyard or shifting work. I also have to avoid working in stressful environments. I have to get enough sleep and avoid vices such as smoking and drinking. This is why I choose to live mindfully so that I can have a quality existence even if my condition has limitations which shocks many people. 

Drawing is calming. Go check out Cafe Lugud, a social enterprise coffee brand.

Painting makes me happy! Go check out Cafe Lugud, a social enterprise coffee brand.

My diet is easy to observe because I have already trained myself to be disciplined with my portions. Right now, I am subscribing to a food delivery service, but my current paycheck is insufficient to cover the cost. I have to improvise by using nutrition apps and buying prudently at our cafeteria. This will commence in June and I cannot wait to begin eating "normal" food, albeit in limited quantities. 

I cheer myself up by drawing and painting my food and coffee. This makes me appreciate the nourishment and caffeine more than the limited quantity that I am allowed to consume. Rather than eating for the sake of simply indulging, I make sure to eat like I mean it. I drink coffee to fight the sluggishness that comes with my condition, and I do not shy away from third wave coffeehouses if my budget permits. After all, there is nothing more awakening than a cuppa with unique flavor and story. 

Writing has helped me focus on the best things in life, such as my home, my family, my relationship, and the fact that I am working in a safe and stable company. I get to realize the nuances of the mundane with my daily writing. Now that I am also in the middle of my 100 Days Project, I get to find the story in each instance and the flow in every sequence. I get to appreciate the ordinary and filter out the moments I would rather let go of. Naturally, writing has also enabled me to learn from my mistakes. Words keep me grounded without holding me back from enjoying the best things in life.

I may not be the best painter and most verbose writer, but I paint, write, and live what my senses perceive in HD. It is my hope that you will also find your flow so that you can be creative in living and being.

Day 10: Intersecting Ironies Intercepted

Editing a previously written work, especially a personal essay, can be daunting if the original version was composed with emotions running high. I was tasked to do that for today's challenge and I have decided to work on Day 4: Intersecting Ironies. I also thought of reworking the essay in longhand using the official printable class stationery. 

I ended up enjoying the activity. There is always room for improvement, and this essay definitely went through some changes. As you can see below, I have crossed out a number of words. Editing is a tedious job, and I have mad props to those who do this for a living. 

Now that I plan to write often in my blog, I definitely have to be more diligent with my posts. Editing and revising are mandatory in order for my writing to attain street cred. I am grateful for this exercise and I look forward to applying it to my daily writing.  

Day 6: Chutzpah

It is 7:33am and I am on board the P2P to Ortigas. I am still in Cubao, which is already halfway to my destination. Cubao also happens to be location of provincial bus stations, so there is a bottleneck in this area which while expected, still never ceases to upset. You see, I left the house early (6:00am) but the MRT was not functioning to its full capacity and ordinary buses were already filled to the brim. I tried booking an Uber or Grab but both were cancelled. This was probably because the university I am working for is not a popular destination. I had to consider the P2P bus then which does not have stops in between two points. I was greeted by a longer queue than usual, as a result of the defective MRT operations. 

The difficulty of getting to work early has initially angered me. I woke up so early and prepared for work while it was still dark outside because I was keen on getting to the office on time. In fact, I enjoy the solitude in my cube before most of my officemates arrive. I could no longer focus on my podcast so I turned it off. Good thing my recent Braver Goals course has taught me how to focus on the status quo and employ the usual breathing techniques to get over setbacks so I can hustle without missing a beat. 

Before I knew it, I was already feeling more calm. I observed the crowd who were with me in the queue and I empathized with them. I am sure that they were also worried if they will make it to work on time. They probably have more problems than I do. In fact, I felt ashamed that I was already panicking about the possibility of not receiving my pay in full today due to tardiness. Some people carry burdens beyond my comprehension  I felt that I just had to be present in the waiting game without feeling desperate.  

I also realized that this situation is beyond my control. Similar to my resignation due to change in management in my previous job, this is something that I should not blame myself for. I cannot even blame others for this. Life has surprising ways to push us away from our comfort zones, so we just have to manage how we respond to them.  

There is so much clamor for us to assure ourselves that we got this every single time. While this is possible in an ideal world, we all know that the real world can be trying. This is why I have decided early on that I have to be courageous even when I feel so small. We have also been taught that it is wise to fake it 'til we make it, and it has worked for me through the years. I faked my bravery until I already felt that I could finish something that makes me insecure or insufficient. Today's transportation challenge has triggered this faux courage (fauxrage?) until I got into the groove and felt that man, I got chutzpah. I can get through this morning commute and whatever happens, I will survive this Monday. Even when I am a little nervous about the deliverables that I will be assigned to (I'm only a month into my current job), I am channeling my chutzpah (that's bravery, boldness, and audacity in Hebrew, according to Mr. Webster!) until it already feels real. We do create our perception of reality after all, so I encourage you to make it a brave one everyday!

P.S. I made it to my 8:30am shift!