Day 69: On the Hunt

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I am currently jobhunting again. I resigned from my job because the program I am managing is going to eventually be dissolved. With no job security and a futile marketing plan, I have decided to end my tenure before things get more complicated. I am ending my stay here on a high note, with experience in setting up events and managing our incoming enrollment system. I am just rendering my transition period. 

I do not want to be bitter because life really throws you unpredictable curveballs, especially when you least excpect it. Good thing I trained myself to have a growth mindset and decided when enough is enough. I am not going to freeload myself in a program that is not going to last. Rather, I will plot my growth elsewhere, and I will exit my current position gracefully. 

I am thankful to have the chance to work in IT. I have built my website and began blogging during my stay here. I have taken the initiative to relearn writing during my downtime. I have also found my voice and rediscovered my unique style. Lastly, I learned to embrace my hypothyroidism and used my condition as a springboard for everything that I want to celebrate in life. 

I am optimistic that the future will be kinder to me. I am ensuring this by continuing my blog and wishing my department well. I hope to also stumble upon opportunities for growth and earning. It is my prayer that it will it take long for me before I can find a suitable job soon.  

Day 59: Miracle Baby

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Sixteen years ago, a miracle happened to me. My eyes became clear. My eye prescription was 650/700, so you can just imagine how bad my vision was without glasses or contact lenses. After a family trip to Lourdes, France, I woke up one morning being able to read the time on the clock across my bedroom.  

The miracle became too much to handle. Of course, I could not believe that it was happening to me. I even tried wearing my glasses a few days after that fateful morning. The weird thing was I could still see clearly with my prescription glasses on. But the best part was seeing everything with clarity without my specs on. 

Until now, when I try my old glasses on, I can still see clearly with them. But really, I am eternally thankful for my miracle and that my eyesight is still 20/20 today. I occasionally wear glasses with transition lenses to protect my eyes when I am working in front of my PC. However, nothing makes life more meaningful than reflecting on my amazing miracle which I still enjoy at the present time.

I went to mass today and said the rosary at my university's oratory. There are days when my miracle feels so real, and this morning, I was extra thankful to see everything in HD. I said thank you and prayed for clarity not just with my eyesight, but in all aspects of my life. After all, a well-lived life can only be experienced when perceived with wisdom and guidance. 

DAY 47: ROSARY THINKING

I just finished praying the rosary. It was a calming ritual after working out and eating my breakfast. I enjoyed the silence of the process. The repetitive prayers kept me on my toes, while the beads made me aware of how far along I am along with it. I must admit that somewhere in between, I would yawn and feel sleepy, especially since it is a Sunday and it is only past nine in the morning. However, I realized that mindful prayer should continue amidst the fatigue and weariness I am feeling. Prayer should be as real as it gets. It can never be a genuine conversation with a Higher Power if I quit only because I feel like snoozing for a few minutes. Picking myself up and carrying on with the prayers are part of the process. I can never give up now that I am meditating on the mysteries which are more than what I could comprehend, but can never lose faith in. Perhaps, if things get tough, I should also continue hustling instead of taking naps. It is in the process that I see wisdom at work, and it is also in the process that I find my way back to the sign that I have reached my goal for now. In the rosary's case, it is the sign of the cross. 

Amen. I have just begun my day. 

DAY 43: CHANGED DOSAGE

The weirdest thing that happens to me every time my thyroxine dosage is reduced is fatigue. I feel tired, sluggish, and drowsy all day long. Of course, I have to work. I remedy the situation by drinking copious cups of coffee. I workout in the morning, and I make sure to incorporate meditation into my day. My favorite form of mindful silence is the rosary. I spend fifteen to twenty minutes in the comfortable silence of the chapel, and venerate the Blessed Sacrament while reflecting on the mysteries of the rosary. It surprisingly calms me down while reducing the sleepiness, because I need to focus on the next prayer, the next bead, and the next mystery. 

We all have to do what we ought to do, I am overcoming the fatigue by getting up each morning, by keeping fit, eating healthy, and praying mindfully. I also read and write during my downtime, so my mind is always busy. I have learned that randomly browsing through social media keeps me sleepy, so I do that on the minimum and instead turn to books to amuse me during my commute and breaks. 

There are plenty of ways to overcome my changed dosage. The good news is that this is only for a month. I cannot wait to revert back to my normal dosage. In the meantime, my changed dosage is changing me for the better, and I look forward to continuing this lifestyle beyond this medication.

Day 41: Faith and Fitness

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It has been my ritual to offer eggs at St. Clare Monastery as often as I can. I try to go there weekly, and it has been helping me find my center since I have decided to let her intercede on my behalf. I have hypothyroidism, so I am dependent on keeping fit in order to have ideal blood test results. Praying at the monastery has given me hope and renewed my faith. My ideal time to visit would be after my weekend Zumba class, when traffic is nonexistent and my drive is as leisurely as it could get. The endorphins I have released post-workout also triggers my belief in a Higher Power. I offer eggs because it is my only tangible gift to an unseen intercessor. This bridges my prayers from this world to the next, and I hope that my offerings are appreciated in heaven. 

Keeping fit physically and spiritually is possible. I am dependent on rituals, and this is my personal one. It has helped me especially during those times when my faith is challenged. I also go there to give thanks. Every prayer ends with an amen , and the promise of a better day ahead. 

Day 33: The Beginning, Part Two

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Today marks the end of my second round of my 15 Days of Writing True Class. It is a beginning more than an ending, because my first one ushered in a daily writing habit which led to attending the Writing Room e-course and embarking on my own #The100DayProject. Today is also my thirty-third day into this journey. I am thankful that I never run out of topics to write about. Life has many experiences to delight, surprise, and move me. Even a recent traumatic event has led me to count my blessings and realize that yes, there are still plenty of reasons to say thank you for each new day.

I will soon be ending my three-year relationship with my diet delivery service. My workplace does not allow deliveries of food subscriptions without knowing when to expect them. The recent growth of the diet company has led to erratic delivery times, so I cannot have them delivered to my office. If I continue having them delivered at home, it will cause me to be late for my shift. It was a painful decision, but being with them has trained me to count my calories, practice proper portion control for my body's needs, and eat healthful options to address my unique nutritional needs. Having hypothyroidism AND keeping trim is difficult, but it IS doable. Embarking on this new chapter may seem shallow to most people, but for me, feeding myself without the aid of my diet service is a form of freedom. Of course, responsibility comes along with this, so I have to continue controlling my portions and choosing my food with care.

I am excited to commence writing without a writing class for the first time in over a month. I will learn to use my voice to highlight the good and keep it real in my online island. So instead of marking this last day of #15DaysOfWritingTrue as an end, I am considering this as a beginning. 

I cannot wait to write on the ordinary, the special, and the true!

Day 31: Living Mindfully and Helping Others

Beautiful handmade rosary by an inmate in Bilibid Prison.

Beautiful handmade rosary by an inmate in Bilibid Prison.

I prayed the rosary again after a long time. I used to pray with it everyday during my previous job. My old building was adjoined to a mall, which is a stone's throw away from a church with a quiet adoration chapel. My previous job was stressful, and this ritual calmed me down during my lunch breaks. I enjoyed meditating on the mysteries, and I never lied about going to the adoration chapel whenever I was asked regarding my whereabouts. I have always been proud about my faith, and this motivates me to look for ways to integrate my passion for prayer in my other love, which is social enterprise.

I have previously used cheap plastic rosaries and jewelry-type ones from pilgrimage sites such as the Vatican and Lourdes. All of them were easily broken due to daily wear and tear. I have never been dainty, so these rosaries never appealed to me. I only used them out of necessity and because they were presents and purchases from important places of prayer. I have constantly been on the lookout for a durable rosary, because I believe that prayer is a tactile experience. I depend on rosary beads to guide me along the way. If the beads are too small and the gaps between them are practically non-existent, then it will make prayer less of the soothing ritual which it was meant to be. Thus, I have been accustomed to replacing my rosary annually, which became a pain because I do get attached to things especially if they have memories connected to them. 

Usually, the crucifixes are the first ones to break. The cheap plastic ones cannot withstand the pressure of daily commuting, which is not pleasant because I do not enjoy seeing the representative image of Christ cut into half. For those with metal links, the chains would get disconnected. Having them repaired is an obvious choice since I do have experience in bead work, but it already dampens the enjoyment of prayer. As the years have gone by and the handmade movement grew along with the internet, I have discovered options which finally meant having sturdy rosaries for less heartbreak.

I bought a chotki rosary from Caritas Manila a couple of years ago, and it has served me well. It was handmade by an inmate from Bilibid Prison. It is sturdier than most rosaries I have owned, and it still works until today. It has began fraying though, as the string they have used is fibrous, so I am already seeing the signs of wear and tear on several areas. I will still recommend this though, for it is a good conversation starter and it is for a good cause.

This has then led me to the search for a new rosary. My boyfriend and I are going through challenging times in our personal lives, so we need a spiritual weapon to inspire us to renew our faith and pray more often. I have ordered four rosaries from Rugged Rosaries, an artisanal social enterprise in California. They make rosaries by hand using military-grade paracord, beads, and components. The two full-size five decade rosaries have been carefully selected to represent our personal faith journeys, while the two one decade clip-on rosaries are for everyday use and commuting. I am excited to receive them and road test them once they arrive from the US! I am also happy that part of the proceeds from my purchase supports a team of artisans who promulgate the faith through beautiful rosaries in America, and provide rosaries and MP3 New Testament Bible players to the troops.

My faith has led me to support social enterprises and the handmade movement. My advocacy is my biggest means to help others, and I look forward to doing so by shopping meaningfully, sharing the products on my blog, and living mindfully. I also want to keep on praying, because it is a meditative practice which lets me focus on the positive.

I hope that your passion will lead you to support an advocacy with minimal effort and true joy!

Day 30: Soul Sam

This photo was sent by my good friend Rafe ❤️ 

This photo was sent by my good friend Rafe ❤️ 

The past few days have been challenging. I have encountered incidents which shook me to the core. I lost my trust in the people around me, and it seems that I am being harassed by an unknown entity. I have already reported these incidents and I have faith that authorities will handle this accordingly. Meanwhile, I am healing and moving on. I have decided this morning that I do not need to dwell on the feeling of distrust. Rather, I should focus on what I must be thankful for.

I woke up early this morning and did my ab and cardio routine. I had a hearty breakfast and a medium Americano from my go-to convenience store. I am wearing my five year old Doc Martens which cushion my feet and keep them warm and toasty in the rainy weather. Most of all, I have a family to go home to, a boyfriend who drives me home when visibility is low due to the rain, and a best friend who will drop everything to spend a few hours to comfort me. 

My best friend works in Quezon City but he managed to treat me to pancakes and coffee during my lunch break in Ortigas. I appreciate his effort and concern, as he knew I was going through a difficult time. My boyfriend had a family reunion at Pampanga, but he waited for me at Quezon City to have ramen with me and drive me home. These simple gestures mean heaps to me. It has been said that the only resource that we cannot reclaim is time, so I am grateful that my closest people look after me. I am also looking forward to moving on from these recent issues and carrying on with work. 

I have reasons to be thankful and happy amidst troubles and the rainy season. I will always have something to write about and experiences to share. People may try to take my trust away, but they can never conquer my spirit. All I have to do is breathe. 

Day 27: Dear Diane,

With Diane, 2007. 

With Diane, 2007. 

I wish I texted you more after we finished college. I remember 2008 as a busy year, with me preparing for the World Youth Day in Sydney and you preparing for your first semester in Ateneo Law. I was also jobhunting, with my frequent interviews becoming more like a reason to dress up in corporate attire. I recall the anxiety and anticipation of waiting for follow-up interviews. It was daunting, since I wanted to embark on my first job as soon as possible. I did not know how to tell you all of these, because you seemed so put-together, like you had everything figured out already. I felt like a kid next to you. Talking to you always felt like being with an adult, and in many ways you were the designated grown-up in my life. I hope you understand now that I was not avoiding you before your death. I was figuring out how to grow up so I could step up in life, which you seemed to master effortlessly.  

It is ironic that in your death, I realized that my life was only beginning. My first job happened shortly after you passed away. I was handling tasks beyond my Humanities training, and my role had a steep learning curve. It kept my mind away from the pain of losing you, but it seemed to help me find myself too. It was in my finance job that I realized how much I love to read for pleasure. I can never give up on myself and what makes me who I am. The pain of your loss made me delight in this finding. 

I am returning to you on your thirtieth birth anniversary. The pain has never left, but I'm more stable now. I am working in the academe just like you, and the funny thing was you told me before that I am a perfect fit for this industry. I am still learning the ropes, but I'm liking the seas I'm sailing on. I hope I can make you proud. 

Love, 

Sam

Day 25: There Has To Be A Word

Today is Diane's 30th birth anniversary. She was the closest thing I had to a best friend in high school. She's the one on the left (in red) in this pic taken during my birthday in 2006. 

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I miss her everyday since her passing from a car accident in 2008.

This one's for you, Diane. 

1) There has to be a word for missing someone in random moments, and anyone still alive can never replace someone who passed away because she was the best person to give spot-on advice.  

2) There has to be a word for realizing that you should make the most out of this life because your late friend is no longer here to experience new stuff in the present.  

3) There has to be a word for the friendship that binds you and your high school girls, and one of the things that bring you together is a late friend who was everyone's soul sister. 

4) There has to be a word for falling in love with someone whom you introduced to your late friend back in the day.  

5) There has to be a word for a friendship that goes beyond someone's passing

I ❤️ you Diane! 

Day 15: Writing Chuva

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I am a fan of Chuvaness because I dig her acerbic wit. She is lifestyle blogger with a Japanese street style aesthetic and an obsession with immaculate bathrooms. Reading her blog for years has given me a good grasp of her voice. For today's Writing Room assignment, I was tasked to compose an entry using another blogger's voice. I did not have to think twice and chose Chuvaness as my reference. 

 Chuva Commute

My car broke down today and my driver is on leave. It was a last-minute pandemonium. I had no choice but to take the MRT to my meeting in Quezon City. Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I consider anything north of Megamall to be out of town. Good thing my meeting was set for lunchtime so I had the luxury of skipping the rush hour crowd. 

My optimism was dashed the moment my Uber driver dropped me off at Ortigas station. The sidewalk was so narrowly barricaded that only one person can pass through it at a time. The elevator was not working as well so I had to take a gazillion steps to the top. By the time I reached the ticketing area, I was met by an intense queue. The people looked exhausted and I immediately felt the same way. It was hot and not well-ventilated. This was already 11am, but the crowd is still major. My Margielic ensemble could not handle the heat, the inefficient ticketing system which mixed both Beep card top-ups and single journey purchases, and the telenovela  running on the TV screens. I mean, why? It did not even have subtitles. Is this a reference to the daily drama at the MRT?

By the time I passed through the turnstiles, I did not feel like a worldly, efficient commuter anymore. I felt tired. I walked to the far end of the platform to reach the designated area for women, children, expectant moms, and seniors. I stayed in the women-only area and ignored the people around me who did not seem to understand the system of properly queueing for their turn to ride the train. The platform was hot and humid. Not Chuva-approved. 

The train arrived after an eternity, and it was just timely that the air condition was down. Great. This is summer and Manila. The train moved excruciatingly slow. I prayed the rosary to Trinoma. I asked for patience. And a miracle for Manila. 

Day 7: Pray and Slay

Prayer has already become ingrained in my routine. I automatically say one of gratitude the minute I wake up. Having hypothyroidism along with a slew of other conditions growing up has made me really grateful to be alive each day. Even the fact that I can see clearly is already a reason for me to thank God. You see, I grew up with bad eyesight. My eye prescription peaked at 750 and my lenses were thick and heavy despite being already "ultrathin" (this was before geek chic became in fashion). Everything changed (really, clearer eyesight = clarity in my life) when my eyesight miraculously became 20/20 after a visit to Our Lady of Lourdes in France. I get my eyes checked annually and it is incredible to still have 20/20 vision after that miracle in 2001. Nowadays, I just wear non-prescription specs for fun (and to protect my eyes from gadget strain). But that miracle has truly moved me to pray, be thankful and well, #slay. 

One of my favorite prayers was by St. Francis. This was taken at St. Clare Monastery, a frequent hangout of mine in Quezon City. 

One of my favorite prayers was by St. Francis. This was taken at St. Clare Monastery, a frequent hangout of mine in Quezon City. 

I do not think that you have to be religious or even believe in God to pray. All it takes is an honest faith in yourself and the ability to transcend your personal limitations and present condition. There are plenty of factors that you cannot control, but if you lift them up to a power greater than you will ever be, then you will also imbibe that power. I do recommend that you always practice thankfulness. Just be grateful for one thing each day until it becomes another, and another, and another. It will make you healthier, more balanced, and just a better person to be with since you appreciate how fine your life is