Day 40: Balance

Yesterday was challenging because I learned that my thyroxine dosage has to be adjusted to a lesser quantity for a month. This allows my body to rest from my normal dosage and recalibrate my thyroid functionality. I was initially unhappy with this news because the smaller quantity makes me sleepy and sluggish. It was only when I exited the hospital and chanced upon patients in worse conditions that I realized how fortunate I still am. This dosage is only for a month, and it will be reverted back to my regular medication. I am only taking a break, while other patients only have a few months to live. I was worried about being sleepy, whilst other people were anxious for the fight to remain alive. It brought me back to my center, and in a way, I regained my balance.

I realized that there was no need to panic. After working out this morning, I was thankful for the new day and for the opportunity to exercise outdoors. I enjoyed my favorite fast food breakfast and indulged in a donut and coffee. I remembered how short life is, and that time is only as valuable as how we make of it. I cannot afford to live without balance, as this would defeat the purpose of living mindfully and outsmarting my hypothyroidism. Rather, it is in staying balanced that I remember how lucky I am and how far I have already gone. It is utterly senseless to just give up now. 

Day 39: From Bed to the Beat

I woke up to the sound of rain. I immediately knew that working out at the park is not feasible so I dragged myself to dance. I exercised to the beat of my videos and I eventually felt my joints loosen. My body got warmer and before I knew it, my workout was over. I was starving but I had better ways of rewarding myself for bouncing from the bed to the beat. 

I had coconut water along with my thyroxine supplement for my hypothyroidism. I drove to my favorite monastery to pray, and enjoyed my leisurely trip to SGD Coffee. I had an etag carbonara and SGD black. All this rain and morning chill got me craving for a piece of Sagada, which I did experience! Not bad for a Saturday morning, and it is only 8:54. I still have the whole day ahead of me. 

Day 38: Waking Up Without Hate

The recent events in my life has made me question my values. Losing my trust in those around me is difficult. I realized that I cannot go about my day without exercising precautionary measures. I also had to assess what has caused these events to transpire. I had to reflect on how I dealt with people. It involved a lot of quiet time, which I am fortunate to have in my job. However, things are open-ended and the people involved do not want to put additional security measures because they value their privacy. For now, I am doing my best to exercise diligence and prudence to minimize similar events from happening again.

I have had the difficult choice of either waking up with hatred in my heart or with a sense of gratitude. I am glad I chose the latter. I pray. I focus on one thing that I am thankful for. This morning, I woke up to terrible menstrual cramps, but I chose to thank God for another chance to workout and yes, it motivated me to actually exercise thereafter. The videos I chose earlier were more challenging than usual. I could have given up, but I buckled down until my whole body was burning. I still have cramps as I am writing this, but I am no longer focused on the pain. Rather, I am thinking of how my workout has enabled me to move and hustle. And since today is Friday, I am comforted by the fact that all this effort is worth it. I deserve to chill out this weekend. 

I do not advocate waking up with hatred or bitterness. It will make you lose focus on what matters most, and it deviates you from your priorities. You need to exert effort to be thankful at times, but I assure you that this is worth all the mindfulness. Gratitude makes you a better person on the inside, and if you continue practicing thankfulness, it will inevitably become a habit. You will also be a better person on the outside because being habitually grateful makes you smile more, even during tough times. Never lose sight of your blessings, and you will always find yourself blessed.

Day 37: Just Get Up and Work

There are just days when I would rather hit the snooze button in the morning. I was tempted to do so earlier, but I immediately countered it by reciting the Prayer of Jabez:

New Living Translation
... "Oh, that you would bless me and expand my territory! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain!" 

I got up, worked out with my YouTube exercise videos, and took a quick shower. I got dressed, drove to my parking space, and took the train to the office. I am transitioning to dieting on my own (I am no longer enlisting the help of my diet delivery service), so cafeteria breakfast consisted of half a cup of rice and a fried egg. I also had a 120z Americano. It was filling, and it is proof that it is possible to eat healthful meals without resorting to expensive diet plans. Of course, I have had three years of experience with my diet provider, so I already got used to the proper servings and I am already educated on portion control. I am keen on continuing my diet as it is one of the important factors to minimize the health risks of my hypothyroidism.

I have been dreading this day due to some recent events. However, I also pushed myself to work and put my game face on. I prayed the rosary in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and I felt that I am not alone. There is no use to feel discouraged then. 

I will live through today!

Day 36: Solo, Not Lonely

It has happened again today. My privacy has been intruded again. I have reported it already to the proper authorities. I have also chosen to keep a low profile. Instead of wallowing in pain, I trooped to the chapel and prayed the rosary. I got coffee to go and ate in peace- until I got called out for doing so. 

I have hypothyroidism, which means that I have to be on a diet all my life. To prevent myself from bingeing or cheating on my diet, I have trained myself to eat alone. Unfortunately, Filipino society is generally unaccustomed to this. Solo diners, especially solo female diners, are branded as "loners". This upsets me a lot, because a) I'm an only child and eating solo is perfectly normal for me, b) I have a health condition which requires me to religiously follow my diet and c) people should just mind their own business. I use my breaks to read and listen to music. 

I feel that being "required" to eat with everyone else is totally unnecessary. Given my health condition, it is impractical to expose myself to rice meals which are not the best nutritional option for me. I am also saving money, and by not joining others, I am spared from vacation and shopping plans. I also tend to focus on the important things, because I read while eating alone and plan the day or week ahead. This is why I will always be an advocate of eating solo. We should never put down those who dine by their lonesome. Being without anyone else does not equate to loneliness. And Filipinos should get used to that.  

Day 35: 10 Years with World Vision!

I rode the P2P earlier this morning and I had a restful commute. I realized that the past few days have been eventful, but I am still thriving! Not bad for someone who tends to worry and over analyze everything.

Proud Child Sponsor! 

I recently celebrated my tenth year as a World Vision sponsor. I registered a few days after my pseudo-relationship and friendship with A fizzled in 2007. I felt the need to do something right after that, so I chose a girl from Cebu to be my kid. At first, it was just about sending money every month, and back then I was solely dependent on my allowance. The game changer to my sponsorship journey were my letters. I started writing to her, asking her about her life, and sharing a bit about mine. Receiving letters from her gave me life. Eventually, her family transferred to another province, so I was given another girl to sponsor. She's from Antique, and we have also been corresponding regularly. I have continued my support even when times were hard, like when I was jobless or struggling financially. My kid was and still is a non-negotiable part of my priorities. To my surprise, I am already on my tenth year of sponsorship and I am overwhelmed with the joy and fulfillment I get from this advocacy. 

A and S

I am also happy that I attended the Loyal Donor Appreciation Dinner for child sponsors celebrating important milestones. I was one of many ten-year awardees. Not only that, but I also brought A as my date. The very reason why I sponsored a child was there to commemorate this journey with me, and that moment meant everything to me. 

I am honored to be part of World Vision. Now that I am working in the academe, I personally experience how education changes lives in all walks of life. I am determined to continue being a child sponsor, and I am also happy to be blessed to do so. I was also reunited with A, and we are happier than ever as a couple. Thanks World Vision!

 Please consider sponsoring a child and watch your blessings multiply. Visit www.worldvision.org.ph for more details. 

Day 34: Lemon Bar Hopping

I had this delicious lemon bar and black coffee from SGD Coffee yesterday and it evoked feelings of warmth and familiarity. You see, the saying when life gives you lemons, make lemonade  does not really apply to me because I am not exactly fond of lemonade. However, I am a fan of lemon bars (or lemon squares). I have grown up eating them in coffee shops and I would like to think that it is my way of coping with what life throws at me. When times get challenging, I tend to regroup in coffee shops. I prefer third wave cafes because the coffee tends to be way better. Single origin brews inspire me to think beyond what is customary because drinking it is a quiet rebellion from the commercialism which has taken over the coffee industry. In my case yesterday, I had Sagada coffee at SGD (kind of redundant but it still works) to complement my lemon bar. I would like to think that it's bold flavor uplifted my lemon bar (which was yummy, by the way) and enabled me to think out of the box (or out of the bar in this case).

You see, I was feeling sick yesterday. There is a flu bug going around work, and I am still down with it at the moment. However, I was determined to have a relaxing Sunday with A, who was also feeling sick himself. We then checked out my new "discovery" near Maginhawa, and SGD seemed to do the trick. We felt better thanks to the strong drinks we enjoyed and the offbeat ambience. We then proceeded to the rest of our date, and we also visited new places which we have never been to before. Not bad for a couple feeling under the weather, right?  

When life gives me lemons, I eat a lemon bar. And I then think out of the bar and raise the bar. Indeed, it is in challenging times that we are driven to innovate and transcend.  

Day 33: The Beginning, Part Two

Today marks the end of my second round of my 15 Days of Writing True Class. It is a beginning more than an ending, because my first one ushered in a daily writing habit which led to attending the Writing Room e-course and embarking on my own #The100DayProject. Today is also my thirty-third day into this journey. I am thankful that I never run out of topics to write about. Life has many experiences to delight, surprise, and move me. Even a recent traumatic event has led me to count my blessings and realize that yes, there are still plenty of reasons to say thank you for each new day.

I will soon be ending my three-year relationship with my diet delivery service. My workplace does not allow deliveries of food subscriptions without knowing when to expect them. The recent growth of the diet company has led to erratic delivery times, so I cannot have them delivered to my office. If I continue having them delivered at home, it will cause me to be late for my shift. It was a painful decision, but being with them has trained me to count my calories, practice proper portion control for my body's needs, and eat healthful options to address my unique nutritional needs. Having hypothyroidism AND keeping trim is difficult, but it IS doable. Embarking on this new chapter may seem shallow to most people, but for me, feeding myself without the aid of my diet service is a form of freedom. Of course, responsibility comes along with this, so I have to continue controlling my portions and choosing my food with care.

I am excited to commence writing without a writing class for the first time in over a month. I will learn to use my voice to highlight the good and keep it real in my online island. So instead of marking this last day of #15DaysOfWritingTrue as an end, I am considering this as a beginning. 

I cannot wait to write on the ordinary, the special, and the true!

Day 32: Daily WROTEin

Werking it even with sore throat!

I'm celebrating my second monthsary at work today! Being an alumna of the university where I work definitely has its perks, such as knowing the layout of the libraries by heart and knowing where to buy awesome brewed coffee based on my budget. However, my homecoming is not a single event. It is a daily routine which I am surviving thanks to willpower and prayer. 

The best part of my day is when I wake up. I get to thank my Creator for a new morning and say the The Prayer of Jabez, 1 Chronicles 4:10 : “...Oh that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.”  This prayer has kept me grounded and blessed since I discovered it in 2006. I then wash up and workout for at least thirty minutes. Exercise is a must as I have hypothyroidism. I mix it up with different routines so I will never be bored. 

I take a shower, take my prescribed thyroxine dosage, and drive to my parking space. I cannot eat breakfast until forty-five minutes have elapsed since I took my medicine. I usually eat in the car, after it is already parked. I take the MRT or P2P to my stop, then walk to work.

My first stop in the office is always the chapel. It always fills me with awe that I am able to work and live a normal life despite my health condition. I then unwind with a cup of coffee and my morning snack. There is nothing more rewarding than a cuppa, which wakes me up while calming me down. It is a paradox which has never ceased to intrigue me. I randomly count my blessings, check my social networks, and respond to emails. If I still have time to spare, I return to the chapel to pray the rosary.

My work day usually goes by quickly. I like being organized, and I keep an analogue planner to take down notes and tasks. I listen to music while working, using a cheap radio and earphones which I regularly replace. I switch between pop and classical stations. During my downtime, I also update my blog and chat with my boyfriend. Lunch and coffee breaks are healthy yet filling. I am always focused on my fitness goals, and I know which food to eat and avoid. I also stay away from frappuccinos and calorie-rich desserts.

My commute home is a reversal of my trip to work. I enjoy light dinners, to help me sleep earlier and lessen bloating. I also stop by our nearby park to buy fresh coconut water. It aids in detox and re-hydrating me after a long day.

I end my day by writing on my Five Year Journal, a prayer, and a book until I drift to sleep. The next day is the same cycle, with the same willpower and attitude.

I will never be able to pull this off without the support of my family and boyfriend. I may not be earning much, but I have enough and that is what matters. I look forward to having a more abundant life and eventually, the chance to settle down.

Day 30: Soul Sam

This photo was sent by my good friend Rafe ❤️ 

The past few days have been challenging. I have encountered incidents which shook me to the core. I lost my trust in the people around me, and it seems that I am being harassed by an unknown entity. I have already reported these incidents and I have faith that authorities will handle this accordingly. Meanwhile, I am healing and moving on. I have decided this morning that I do not need to dwell on the feeling of distrust. Rather, I should focus on what I must be thankful for.

I woke up early this morning and did my ab and cardio routine. I had a hearty breakfast and a medium Americano from my go-to convenience store. I am wearing my five year old Doc Martens which cushion my feet and keep them warm and toasty in the rainy weather. Most of all, I have a family to go home to, a boyfriend who drives me home when visibility is low due to the rain, and a best friend who will drop everything to spend a few hours to comfort me. 

My best friend works in Quezon City but he managed to treat me to pancakes and coffee during my lunch break in Ortigas. I appreciate his effort and concern, as he knew I was going through a difficult time. My boyfriend had a family reunion at Pampanga, but he waited for me at Quezon City to have ramen with me and drive me home. These simple gestures mean heaps to me. It has been said that the only resource that we cannot reclaim is time, so I am grateful that my closest people look after me. I am also looking forward to moving on from these recent issues and carrying on with work. 

I have reasons to be thankful and happy amidst troubles and the rainy season. I will always have something to write about and experiences to share. People may try to take my trust away, but they can never conquer my spirit. All I have to do is breathe. 

Day 29: Trust Issues

Me in 2007

I feel dismayed because my workspace has been violated for two consecutive days now. Yesterday, my traveler's journal was closed the wrong way, resulting in a loosened garter. When I got to my cube at 7:15am this morning, I found my top drawer open. My drawers do not have a lock, and these incidents may seem petty. But if you think of it, it is not petty at all. I work in a university, so files are all pertinent to educating students and upholding the corporate ideals of our community. These past two days have proven that it is possible for trust to be broken in an admirable company. Small items like my traveler's notebook may not seem much, but it is full of my art journaling and lunchtime sketches. I am also dismayed because I always psyche myself to get excited for each work day. These instances disappointed me, and it will take some time before I can regain my bearings. 

I have already filed an incident report, and I have updated security regarding this morning's incident. I know that they are doing their best. My cube is not covered by the CCTV, so there is no way to catch the suspect on video. I am praying that this gets resolved soon.  

I am also thankful to still be employed and that nothing was lost or stolen. I would not wish this on anyone else. After all, I was a student of this university ten years ago, and I do not want to disappoint my college self by being derailed by negativity. I just have to keep moving on.  

Day 28: Sammie 2.0

The Philippines, like its Asian neighbors, considers rice to be its staple food. This is evident in the way the price of rice is regularly reported on the news, how rice shortages due to typhoons and economic factors stress the public out, and how "extra rice" became a cultural norm when dining out. We localize every foreign food from burgers to steak by replacing bread or potatoes with rice. Quinoa and other healthful grains are slowly taking traction. We have a thriving bread industry, thanks to our Filipino favorite, pandesal. However, it still remains to be this country's favorite grain. To say that rice fuels the Filipino people, is definitely not an exagerration.

The predominance of rice makes eating sandwiches in this country a form of rebellion. To find true joy in a delicious combination of bread and filling goes against the norm. I can guess it is because my name is Sam and the shortened version of the word sandwich is "sammie" in some Western countries. I feel that I take ownership of this fascination and it is a birthright of sorts.

I am happy with grilled cheese, turkey subs, tuna with pesto, grilled vegetable paninis, kesong puti (local white cheese) with pandesal, and chicken bunwich. However, my absolute comfort food is the smoked salmon sammie. The divine combination of juicy salmon and cream cheese is like a holiday on a plate (or slab, as it was served to me last night). It makes me forget all my worries and renews my belief in the inherent goodness of humanity.

For breakfast, I usually go for an Egg Mc Muffin from Mc Donald's (or Mcdo, as it is called in the Philippines). It reminds me of childhood and simpler times. However, I was in an adventurous mood this morning and I tried something from the local menu: the Cheesy Eggdesal with Sausage. It turned out to be really yummy. It is a delightful combination of pandesal, cheese, egg, and Mcdo's famous sausage. It was a warm embrace in this rainy morning.

Like the sammie in the Philippines, some people may find me different because I enjoy dining out alone, reading in public, and wearing my hair in a pixie. These are all unpopular choices in our country but I enjoy being myself. Happiness is a choice, and I live my life to be truly joyful. If it means eating a sammie everyday, then so be it. Just let me be.

Day 27: Dear Diane,

With Diane, 2007. 

I wish I texted you more after we finished college. I remember 2008 as a busy year, with me preparing for the World Youth Day in Sydney and you preparing for your first semester in Ateneo Law. I was also jobhunting, with my frequent interviews becoming more like a reason to dress up in corporate attire. I recall the anxiety and anticipation of waiting for follow-up interviews. It was daunting, since I wanted to embark on my first job as soon as possible. I did not know how to tell you all of these, because you seemed so put-together, like you had everything figured out already. I felt like a kid next to you. Talking to you always felt like being with an adult, and in many ways you were the designated grown-up in my life. I hope you understand now that I was not avoiding you before your death. I was figuring out how to grow up so I could step up in life, which you seemed to master effortlessly.  

It is ironic that in your death, I realized that my life was only beginning. My first job happened shortly after you passed away. I was handling tasks beyond my Humanities training, and my role had a steep learning curve. It kept my mind away from the pain of losing you, but it seemed to help me find myself too. It was in my finance job that I realized how much I love to read for pleasure. I can never give up on myself and what makes me who I am. The pain of your loss made me delight in this finding. 

I am returning to you on your thirtieth birth anniversary. The pain has never left, but I'm more stable now. I am working in the academe just like you, and the funny thing was you told me before that I am a perfect fit for this industry. I am still learning the ropes, but I'm liking the seas I'm sailing on. I hope I can make you proud. 

Love, 

Sam

Day 26: Lay Day

Whenever I feel uninspired to write, I find ways to entertain myself. I eat out, go on a coffee run, listen to music, play with my art journal, and window shop. I also visit my friend Diane from time to time in her vault, where her ashes have been laid to rest. I sometimes bring a book so I can read with her, because she was a well-versed bibliophile when she was still alive. As the one who was left behind, I make sure to be updated with what's new in bookstores so I can read and continue my favorite hobby.  

I also like going out on errands, such as updating my pixie with an obligatory trim, getting my legs waxed, and buying my monthly toiletries at Human Nature. I usually browse through social enterprise pages too so I can see if there is anything new to buy and support. 

I am a believer that boredom is a reason to learn something new. I enjoy going on workshops to brush up on my watercolor skills and meet artists. Book fairs are also good venues to pick up new novels and ideas.  

I like beginning and ending each Lay Day with a cup of coffee. There is nothing more comforting than a cuppa and a book, and this combo inspires me to live beyond the lure of mediocrity.  

Day 25: There Has To Be A Word

Today is Diane's 30th birth anniversary. She was the closest thing I had to a best friend in high school. She's the one on the left (in red) in this pic taken during my birthday in 2006. 

I miss her everyday since her passing from a car accident in 2008.

This one's for you, Diane. 

1) There has to be a word for missing someone in random moments, and anyone still alive can never replace someone who passed away because she was the best person to give spot-on advice.  

2) There has to be a word for realizing that you should make the most out of this life because your late friend is no longer here to experience new stuff in the present.  

3) There has to be a word for the friendship that binds you and your high school girls, and one of the things that bring you together is a late friend who was everyone's soul sister. 

4) There has to be a word for falling in love with someone whom you introduced to your late friend back in the day.  

5) There has to be a word for a friendship that goes beyond someone's passing

I ❤️ you Diane! 

Day 23: Sammie

Smoked salmon sammie. Last night's dinner at Italianni's 

The Philippines, like most of its Asian neighbors, considers rice to be a staple food. This is evident in the way the price of rice is regularly reported on the news, how rice shortages due to typhoons and economic factors stress the public out, and how "extra rice" became a cultural norm when dining out. We localize every foreign food from burgers to steak by replacing bread or potatoes with rice. Quinoa and other healthful grains are slowly taking traction. We have a thriving bread industry, thanks to our Filipino favorite, pandesal. However, rice still remains to be this country's favorite grain. To say that rice fuels our most important resource, which is the Filipino people, is definitely not an exagerration.

The predominance of rice is the reason why I believe that eating sandwiches in this country is a form of rebellion. To find true joy in a delicious combination of bread and filling goes against the norm. I can guess it is because my name is Sam and the shortened version of the word sandwich is "sammie" in some Western countries. I feel that I take ownership of this fascination and the pleasure I partake in with every sammie I enjoy is a birthright of sorts.

I am happy with grilled cheese, turkey subs, tuna with pesto, grilled vegetable paninis, kesong puti (local white cheese) with pandesal, and chicken bunwich. However, my absolute comfort food is the smoked salmon sammie. The divine combination of juicy salmon and cream cheese is like a holiday on a plate (or slab, as it was served to me last night). It makes me forget all my worries and renews my belief in the inherent goodness of humanity.

Today's brekkie situation at Mc Donald's 

For breakfast, I usually go for an Egg Mc Muffin from Mc Donald's (or Mcdo, as it is called in the Philippines). It reminds me of childhood and simpler times. However, I was in an adventurous mood this morning and I tried something from the local menu: the Cheesy Eggdesal with Sausage. It turned out to be really yummy. It is a delightful combination of pandesal, cheese, egg, and Mcdo's famous sausage. It was a warm embrace in this rainy morning.

Like the sammie in the Philippines, some people may find me different because I enjoy dining out alone, reading in public, and wearing my hair in a pixie. These are all unpopular choices in our country but I enjoy being myself. Happiness is a choice, and I live my life to be truly joyful. If it means eating a sammie everyday, then so be it. Let me be me.

Day 22: Catching Diane

Day 21: Monday

I wrote a poetic tribute to my Monday (even if it's already Tuesday)! 

 My cube is bright

Sunshine dances on my shelf

I felt gloomy but The Beatles held my hand

So I did not let The Carpenters build me down

I have a white table

With watercolors and a charging cable

But first, let me finish my coffee

Before it turns artificially cold

From recycled air

And Monday work fare

Day 20: Mindmap

It's Day 3 of my second round of the #15DaysOfWritingTrue  and I was tasked to make a mindmap for 15 minutes. Here's my output, which illustrates my Monday mood. 

Day 19: A Simple Triumph