Let Me Dine Alone

Transit Dialog has published my essay, Let Me Dine Alone. Here is my essay:

“𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵.”

𝗟𝗲𝘁 𝗠𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗔𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲

𝘉𝘺 𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘢 𝘎𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴

“𝘛𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘔𝘢’𝘢𝘮?”

“𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦, 𝘔𝘢’𝘢𝘮?”

“𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦?”

It’s 2022, and yet these questions are still commonly asked to me by both restaurant staff and people I know. I am aware that I should not take these queries personally, but it still fills me with wonder how dining alone as a solo lady in Manila can be a crucial judgment point.

So, in the year of Our Lord 2022, let me dine alone.

I am an only child who grew up with pretty solid opinions about the food that I liked. I enjoyed being a foodie from the get-go. I found it amusing to be asked why I was dining alone when I was younger, to which I would reply, “I am alone, thank you.”

But as I grew up and had more years of experience as a solo diner, I realized that I was seen as a social liability. Others looked at me with pity, as if I could not attract a man. There were those who asked me where my boyfriend was, and when I got older, where my husband was. Still, there were others who asked me if I was expecting anyone for business. I always had the same answer: “I am alone, thank you.”

I currently have a partner who also enjoys dining alone. He grew up with siblings, but he learned to enjoy his own company due to the demands of work. I found a kindred spirit in him, and our relationship remains to be a work in progress. Naturally, there are more days when I dine without him, and that is fine. I have a book, a bunch of playlists and podcasts to entertain me, and the occasional crochet project to keep my hands busy while my order is being prepared. I am alone, but not lonely.

Sure, we wear masks now to protect ourselves during a pandemic which has transcended all our expectations and perceived possibilities. But would you believe that I still get asked why I dine alone? I still reply that “I am alone, thank you.” And a global pandemic will not drive me to seek the company of others when I am perfectly fine eating alone.

Why do women like me have to answer so many questions when we choose to dine alone? We can afford to do so. We enjoy eating alone. We have people in our lives to dine with, but the pleasure of dining alone is incomparable.

There is no match to the peace that comes with people watching. There is the calming effect of planning my week ahead while savoring some pasta. There is the joy of sipping my coffee alone while writing in a notebook. There is the efficiency of replying to my emails as I wait for my bill to arrive. All of these can be done by myself, and the meals that I enjoy while simply being me are just a controllable variable in my frequent experiments with solo dining in Manila.

Abroad, I observed that I am not judged whenever I eat alone. The few times I did so was fun. People simply minded their own business. I was able to eat in peace. I was able to avoid saying, “I am alone, thank you.”

Dining alone makes me say, “thank you, I am alone.”

Because I owe it to myself that I am strong enough to dine alone in a society that questions that simple act. I am liberated by my skill to enjoy my own company and order my own food. I am my best self whenever I dine alone. I am able to share myself to the people and things that I care about more because I get to enjoy dining alone.

It is 2022. I am thankful for the gift of life, and the happiness behind enjoying my favorite food. Let me dine alone.

I hope that you will also try it soon.

𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘢 𝘎𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘉. 𝘓𝘶𝘤𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘣𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦, 𝘸𝘸𝘸.𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘢𝘮.𝘤𝘰𝘮, 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘔𝘢𝘺 2017 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱𝘴. 𝘏𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬, 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘨 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘖𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳 2021, 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬, 𝘚𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘞𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘷𝘦, 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘋𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 2021.

Source: Transit Dialog

Solo Dining For Ladies

I get a number of messages from my female friends asking for tips on how to dine solo. I have been eating out on my own for ages since I am an only child, so I consider myself a pro at this.

Dining solo may be a feat for some, but for me, it is simply my way of life. If you are also a woman and find this intimidating, read on some of my tips on eating and drinking solo in our city:

1. Bring a book or listen to music/podcasts! It helps to keep your mind entertained while eating, drinking, and people watching.
   

2. Order your favorites! Indulge. Enjoy yourself.
   

3. Be confident. You can pay for your own meal and drinks. That is powerful.
   

4. Order coffee. It is a source of joy along with your dessert.
   

5. Mind your posture. It makes you feel better about yourself.
   

My suggestions are nothing new but I hope this helps! Solo dining is liberating and a lot of fun. Don’t forget to tip your server and exit the restaurant with a smile. You are worth treating so just go for it!

The Overseas Fabulous Pinay: A Handbook for Independent Women

I just finished reading The Overseas Fabulous Pinay: A Modern Filipina’s Handbook on How to Thrive Abroad by Donna Avellana-Künzler. It was a joy to consume as it was written in the author’s humorous and tongue-in-cheek style. I appreciated that the book was divided in chapters which dealt with the essential matters on migrating to a foreign country, such as important documents and survival skills. These were balanced with light chapters on how to enjoy the expat life and making friends with different people.

Don’t get me wrong- I am not planning to move abroad anytime soon. However, I do know some female friends who are considering the big move someday. While the Internet is abound with resources on how to thrive aboard, this book uniquely targets Filipinas who want to not just integrate in another country, but to be fabulous while doing so. The book carefully lays out key strategies on making it overseas, beating homesickness, and balancing work and personal life.

Ms. Avellana-Künzler is a veteran in thriving overseas, as she has lived in three continents and wants to help Filipinas shine outside their comfort zones. She also wants to empower Filipinas by sharing her own life story so that others can learn from her wins and mistakes.

My favorite chapter was the last one, which was entitled Stay Fabulous. It helped me pinpoint what made me happy, how I reward myself, and what I would like to learn. Come to think of it, this book is not just for overseas Filipinas, but for every Filipina. This pandemic has made us all isolated to a certain extent, so conquering the outside world already feels like a major move in itself.

This book is a guide for Filipinas who want to transcend their own limits, whether its to move abroad or outside the home during Corona times.

I previously shared the press release for this book here.

The Overseas Fabulous Pinay: A Modern Filipina’s Guide on How to Thrive Abroad by Donna Avellana Künzler is available at major online book retailers Barnes & Noble, Kobo and Amazon for P750. Check www.ovfabpinay.com for announcements for book events and to get to know the author more through her blog. Be part of the #ovfabpinay Facebook community [www.facebook.com/ovfabpinay] and follow @ovfabpinay on Instagram [www.instagram.com/ovfabpinay] for more updates.

Stay safe and fabulous, everyone!

Promoting Gender Equality

Yesterday, I was at the Asian Development Bank for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. The theme was Promoting Gender Equality in the Workplace through Elimination of Harassment against Women. It was an encouraging forum as I got to learn that the ADB has been a continuous supporters of gender equality initiatives such as the Safe Spaces Act.

Other significant initiatives include:

• Inclusion of interns, volunteers, apprentices in the labor space as far as gender rights are concerned

• Inclusion of online workers and home-based employees in the sexual safety space

• Philippine Business Coalition for Women Empowerment: one of our services is to allow our members to measure their internal policies to ensure fairness in employment life cycle and guidelines against sexual harassment.

• Both men and women are responsible in tackling sexual harassment issues

• Philippine Business Coalition for Women Empowerment: we try to assess our members’ corporate communications to assure that they are inclusive for all genders. We also help our members become more gender-equal to attract and retain young talent, who are more likely to stay if their employers are inclusive.
  

I had an insightful day as usual at the ADB. I also got to have the best crinkles ever once more.
‘Til next time, ADB!

Ladies First!

Yesterday, I went to Makati for an event. But first, I dropped by the Washington Sycip park for some sunshine and good vibes. 

After my short walk, I proceeded to the Keds Ladies for Ladies event at Acceler8 by Unionspace. 

I won the entrance to this party through Human Nature, the brand that I distribute on my online store. Please buy and support me today by clicking here!

I was delighted to see millennial details like board games, greenery, and books. 

I met up with Anna Meloto-Wilk and Camille Meloto-Rodriguez, who founded Human Nature along with Dylan Wilk (Anna’s husband) in 2008. 

I felt inspired by simply being there. There were ladies from different industries in that room, and while it was primarily to celebrate a sneaker line, it was magical to witness women leaders speak about their journeys and battles.  

The grazing table was the focal point of the event as food naturally brought ladies together for some hearty cocktails and pica-pica.  

The event started with a sharing from Stacy and Danah Gutierrez of Plump PH. Their body positivity movement needs no introduction, but it was their personal motivations that moved me. They began their cause from their struggles with their weight and self-acceptance. Now, they receive validation from celebrities and global brands like Keds. They’re truly an inspiration. 

My Human Nature girlbosses Camille and Anna warmed our hearts with their selfless goals to provide jobs for fellow Filipinos and provide natural alternatives that even the average Pinoy can afford. They have acknowledged that while it’s not easy to be perceived wrongly based on their looks and gender (they both look young for their ages!), their hard work eventually spoke for itself.  

The Cosmopolitan Philippines ladies Jilly Gatcheco-Cantada and Retty Contreras spoke about building a better workplace for women. Their stance on collaboration and kindness built in me a resolve to become a compassionate coworker in my next job. 

Lastly, Gabbi Garcia graced the event. Her poise, class, and anti-bullying stance in showbiz gave me hope in a society that tends to pull women down. 

I learned to appreciate opportunities such as this event because ladies do really have a voice in society. While there may be challenges along the way, we can get through them together as long as we collaborate rather than be mean to each other.

I look forward to being a more empowered woman this year, and beyond!

Fueling Women

Yesterday, I started my day with some toasted longganisa and hot chocolate at Breakfast Bin.  

Then, I checked out some exhibitions at the Ayala Museum. 

I especially liked their Women and War exhibit. 

After running some errands, I got myself some pares and siomai from Kanto Pares. Yum! 

As a woman, I prioritize self-care because the most important person in my story is me. Seeing empowering exhibits and eating yummy food are just two ways to fuel myself. Happy International Women’s Day! 

Justice for Women at the ADB

It was an honor to attend the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women at the Asian Development Bank. I was also a guest at last year’s celebration of gender empowerment, and I was grateful to be there again to show my support for this worthy cause. 

I am humbled to represent my blog, and to be able to be at ADB again. 

The bank inspires me with its strong stance to further the cause of gender equality. As a woman, I am proud to be a guest at an institution that recognizes my potential in society. 

It was a treat to see this year’s Christmas tree at the library. 

And no trip to ADB is complete without a cuppa from Starbucks!

I was able to knit prior to the meeting. 

Then, I had lunch at the ADB Cafeteria. I bought pizza slices from Gourmet’s Cafe, which used to run the now-defunct Trattoria Gourmet’s at Shangri-la Mall. The crew from Shang were there, and they still remember me! It’s heartwarming that they still know me after all these years. 

Their pizzas brought me back to 1999! Still delicious. 

By the time the forum started, I was already full and caffeinated enough to listen to the esteemed panel speak about their work in fighting gender violence. 

The panel have all mentioned that shifting our mindset to be inclusive of all genders and to think of everyone equally is key to preventing gender violence.  

I am happy that I was able to make time for this forum because it has empowered me to speak out for women. I am using my blog not just to give myself a voice, but to motivate other women to leave their partners if they are abused. Together, we can build a safer society that is kind to all genders. It is my dream that I can continue empowering women in my own small way, with every blog entry and solo dining experience that I share!

Her Voice

Yesterday, I attended Her Voice: An Afternoon Conversation with the Women of Today  at the Ayala Museum. I chose to be part of this event because I wanted to listen to the talks by some of Anvil Publishing’s esteemed women authors. 

The first speaker, Dr. Pinky Valdez, is the President of the Assumption College and the author of Educating Women Leaders. She called on everyone to change the normal by speaking out as the best friend of abuse is silence. Women should support each other and uplift those who are vulnerable rather than pulling each other down.

The second speaker, Susan Quimpo, echoed Dr. Valdez’s call for women to speak out and tell their own stories to revolutionize society today. Revolutions do not need to involve guns and weapons. Women empowering each other through stories can create change, and that in itself is a revolution. 

We were served snacks and coffee care of Via Mare and Museum Cafe  

The next speaker, Karen Fernandez a.k.a. Raketchick, is the author of Whatda! Anong Petsa Na?!. I was inspired by her talk on being a girl boss and finally regaining control of her schedule, tasks, and work. Even if I am looking for a corporate job, I am still a creative (with this blog), so I learned from her insightful speech on working solo in an unforgiving industry. 

Bebang Siy took the stage to discuss her books in Filipino and work in CCP. She is inspiring others to write in Filipino and to creatively tell stories in our national language. 

I was also moved by her challenge to write whatever the situation is. She encouraged us to tell stories, write, and support female authors. 

The final speaker, Xandra Ramos-Padilla, is not only the President of Anvil Publishing, but is also the Managing Director of National Bookstore. She shared life lessons from her lola, Nanay Coring, who founded the bookstore. Examples of these are the more you spend time in the store, the more you learn, and remain humble.

I am fortunate to be part of this event because I realized that writing is more than just a hobby. It can be a tool for empowerment and social change. I hope that more people will be inspired to write and share their stories. I look forward to more book-related events and occasions to discuss the issues that define us women.  

Knitted at the P2P going home.

Gender Month Forum at the ADB

Yesterday was a remarkable opportunity to learn more on woman empowerment. I was fortunate to be part of the Gender Month Forum at the Asian Development Bank (ADB) featuring former UNDP Administrator and former New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark. 

Representing my blog never fails to make me giddy. 

I began my day with a hearty breakfast at the ADB cafeteria. 

I had tawilis, garlic rice, and scrambled eggs. 

Then, I proceeded to the library to hang out before the event.  

I ordered a cuppa... 

...and knitted! 

Before I knew it, it was conference time. 

I posed for my traditional ADB photo. 

I also spotted my grade school friend Dani in the audience. 

Ms. Clark imparted nuggets of wisdom on women empowerment. My key takeaway is that women should lean in and do everything they can to get access to education, positions in the workforce, professional and special interest networks, healthcare, childcare, reproductive health, and more. Women should work together to progress, rather than stop fighting for their rights. They should also involve men in their fight for gender equality. It is crucial to let men know that everyone should have equal rights, as we are all human. 

After the forum, I had the famous ADB crinkles which never disappoint. 

I went back to Starbucks for a roast chicken and vegetables bistro box and an americano. Also, I continued knitting. 

It is always amazing to witness women leaders and Ms. Clark is an epitome of female empowerment. I am thankful for this opportunity from the ADB, and I hope that there will be more chances to learn from leaders in their esteemed organization. 

Being My Own Force

I have to admit that I was terrified when I recently left the unhealthy situation which was pulling me down. I was faced with uncertainty, self-doubt, and the reality that I will be celebrating the holidays by my lonesome. But then again, I realized that I owe this to myself. 

I had to leave the unhealthy situation because I was no longer relying on myself. In fact, it was pulling me down.  

I realized that I had to regroup and think things through. After a few days with my family and friends, I realized that I could become my own force.  

It would be nice to be with someone. The next time it happens, I already know myself better. I have more respect and love to share.  

Indeed, the foundation of a strong relationship is self-respect. I can only give what I already have within me. By making time for myself to realize my self-worth, assess my skills, and design my life with intention, I became self-reliant and ready for anything. 

It is my hope that someday, I will be inspired to conquer new heights and overcome challenges since I was able to move on from a difficult phase. For now, I am simply thankful to have been spared from more pain. I am ready to attract more blessings and embark on a brighter future. 

Day 9: Fight for Gender Equality

One in three women experience violence in the hands of intimate partners, according to the ADB.

This disturbing statistic applies to women around the world. As a woman, I am appalled that this is still happening in this day and age. However, gender-based violence remains a sad reality, and there are plenty of women who are voiceless in their struggles with gender-based violence. This is not confined to developing countries. There is violence against women everywhere, even in the workplace. 

I attended the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women at the Asian Development Bank because I want to be empowered as a woman. I am fortunate that I am able to choose any job I want, that I belong to a privileged family, and I am able to freely write this blog entry without the threat of violence and harassment. However, I am aware of the reality of violence against women. I do not want to wait for gender-based violence to become an accepted reality. 

We need to speak more about gender-based violence so that people will know that this is wrong. Safety should be the general concern, and sexual harassment (yes, even in public transport!) must not be tolerated. We also need to eliminate rape culture. Men must get involved, because this is their issue as well.

I was fortunate to listen to Ms. Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy, an award-winning Pakistani journalist, filmmaker, and activist. She is the epitome of girl power. She began her activism at the age of fourteen, when she began to write articles in English newspapers on topics like bullying, poverty, and violence. This curiosity and knack for getting involved led to a lifetime of campaigning for what is right. She never backed down and continued writing, and later, became a filmmaker on controversial issues in Pakistan. She has gone on to win two Academy Awards and an Emmy for her documentaries.

She spoke about her advocacy to speak about the truth, even when it is difficult. She studied in Smith College and Stanford University in the US. She is a self-taught filmmaker and she continued to write articles as well. She also became an international speaker on subjects like gender equality and the refugee crisis, and it was truly an honour to listen to her speak at the ADB.  

She said that we must “never let anyone tell us that we cannot do what we want to do”.  

Ms. Obaid-Chinoy believes that gender-based violence is something that everyone can relate to, no matter what social class or geographical location we are situated in. She said that everyone has been uncomfortable with walking down the street or has heard of someone being harassed on the street at some point. This is why she hopes that her films can create empathy for those who have been harassed, and to influence people to create a safe society where everyone can thrive without experiencing gender-based violence. 

My blog is called speakoutsam because I want to share the truth. I want to have a voice. Ms. Obaid-Chinoy has moved me to use my voice to continue telling the truth and sharing my insights. I am passionate about writing and self-improvement, and I cannot improve myself without speaking against gender-based violence. I will use my freedom to speak out for opportunities that can uplift women and improve our society as a whole. I am very lucky. I want to share what I have and it begins with the freedom to type this entry and publish it online.

Stories are powerful, and can spark change. 

I was also able to watch Ms. Obaid-Chinoy’s documentary, A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness. It was moving, to say the least, and I have no words on how powerful the message is against honour killings in Pakistan.

Ms, Obaid-Chinoy has shared that she is fortunate to belong to a family who prioritizes education. She wants to use her films to teach students about difficult issues, and to empower women. I get her message, and I am inspired to do my share to educate myself (because it all begins in the self) and to share positivity.  

Recently, I exited a situation where I felt that I was not respected as a woman. It was painful because I felt attached, but I had to do it because this is about self-respect. Like what Ms. Obaid-Chinoy said, gender-based violence is about power. It is neither about culture or religion. By leaving that situation, I restored the power back to myself. I learned to respect myself again. Now, I am free to speak my mind again and I am enjoy being myself again. And that is empowering as a woman and as a human being.  

 ***Comments are welcome at speakoutsam@gmail.com***