Unlove

I recently finished reading Unlove: Healing Yourself from Toxic Romance and Love in a Healthy Way by Marjorie Duterte. The inspirational author has been on my radar for quite some time now, but I did not have the courage to read her books- until now. The lockdown has provided me with the perfect opportunity to learn from my mistakes and to improve through reading. This book has worked wonders in helping me let go of self-sabotaging habits that prevented me from loving myself and attracting a God-fearing partner.

It was only when I started working on myself this year that I began to let go of hatred, envy, bitterness, anger, and pessimism. The pandemic has taught me that life is too short. I should start being the best version of myself now in order to thrive in the new normal and beyond.

A huge part of thriving is the social aspect of my life. I have been vocal about my desire for a life partner, but I carried with me negative baggage (hatred, envy, bitterness, anger, and pessimism) which became my roadblocks in my dating journey. However, God has been good to me and He sent me my partner Lorenz this year. Not only is Lorenz God-fearing, but he is caring, intelligent, strong-willed, and tenacious. He has accepted me for who I am whole-heartedly, that is why I wanted to let go of the negative forces that has pulled me down. This was why I bought this book and answered all the journaling prompts at the end of each chapter.

Armed with a pen and my journal. I healed myself through the book’s guide questions. I felt lighter after completing the book and the exercises. It was cathartic.

I highly recommend this book to every woman who has ever been hurt and would like to improve herself. Buy the book here and learn from home today!

Stay safe and healthy, everyone! May God bless us all.

Pandemic Partnership

Not everyone gets another chance to fall in love. In this age of online dating, ghosting, and very public breakups, I am fortunate to find a supportive partner. He was introduced to me by a college friend, and we hit it off immediately. Our initial conversations were far from smooth, but we had enough traits in common in order to start a relationship. I enjoyed our chats because they were rooted in our common childhood experiences, given that he was an Ateneo lifer and I went to Miriam College Grade School.

We both wanted to be in a relationship at the right time. We were both single, willing, and drawn to our common interests and values. I was grateful for our shared experiences from the beginning, because we always found a way to agree to disagree. He was personable and fun to be with during our first date, and the rest is history.

I knew that his love was real when he witnessed how I overcame conflicts on my end. He helped me solve problems and he volunteered to edit and proofread my book. Given that it was my first book project, he was generous with his time and supportive as a partner. When my birthday fell in the middle of the recent lockdown, he risked the possibility of being stopped at a checkpoint to personally give me gifts and a cake. Evidently, his effort shows genuine care, concern, and affection.

Now that we are in the middle of the pandemic, finding love is determined by three factors: effort, concern, and action. Make sure that your partner is willing to exert effort in spending time with you. See how your partner shows concern towards you. After observing your partner, examine how he takes action on his feelings.

I am lucky that my partner loves and supports me. It is my wish that everyone finds someone like him, and that relationships with love and shared experiences will last beyond the pandemic. If you also met your partner during the pandemic, let me know you are coping and how you see your relationship is going.

Stay safe, everyone!

Birthday 2021

I turned thirty-five last August 13. I was fortunate to have a lovely celebration at home. It was memorable, even if the lockdown prevented me from going out. I am healthy, happy, and fortunate to have another year in this world, and those matter more than partying until the break of dawn.

We started with my favorite Taiwanese biang biang beef noodle soup from Pilya’s Kitchen at The Grid Food Market.

Then, I ordered milk tea from Cha Cha Go Visayas Avenue.

I was later surprised with cappuccino cake and gifts from my partner Lorenz. He visited me despite living near checkpoints. Massive props to him! I think he is a keeper.

We had Angel’ s Pizza in creamy spinach dip.

I was also surprised with chocolate cake from Fifth Gear. I am truly grateful and honored to be one of their blogger partners.

Lorenz gave me gifts that are meaningful and special. I will treasure these, especially the titanium promise ring. More than its aesthetic quality, I appreciate it for the significance that it holds.

I am blessed to have a supportive family, a blog that allows me to work with the best people, and a loving partner who shows up everyday. I am a very lucky girl.

Choice A

With the man I choose everyday. 

With the man I choose everyday. 

Yesterday, A and I celebrated a year and seven months of being together. We have been through a lot, but we have chosen to remain together amidst all the challenges being thrown our way. I have experienced plenty of personal setbacks during the span of our relationship, but I always chose A.

I realized that love is firstly a selfish process. I choose to love because it allows me to share the love that I have for myself to other people. By loving A, I am offering my self-love and practicing self-respect as I support him in his own endeavours. 

Love in itself is a noble principle. It is the core of every healthy relationship, because it means that both parties have enough love for themselves in order to share it with each other. While it is a selfish process, it is also unselfishly shared. The paradox of love never ceases to puzzle me, but it also fascinates me because even when there are bad days, I still choose to love the one I am with.  

Now that A and I are already in our thirties, we cannot afford to waste any more time. We no longer have the luxury of youthful complacency. We are both job hunting, living our own lives, and concerned about our families. He has his social dancing like salsa and the Argentinian tango, while I have Zumba and my blog. He lives in Makati, while I am deeply rooted in Quezon City. The traffic, unpredictable weather, and economic uncertainty may threaten our relationship, but we have remained each other’s choice. And for that, I am grateful.

There are days when I am genuinely worried about my future. By this time, several of my friends are getting engaged. When will A and I reach that level? Will we have the financial stability to start our own life together? Will we grow as partners in a world where it is easier to live apart? But when I think of a future without A, I am left with an empty, hollow feeling. I know that my self-love will never falter, but I love A, so my world will be happier when I can share this love to him. 

I used to pray for more months and years with A. Of course I still ask for those from the Lord, but now, I pray that we will be the right persons for each other. There are many ways to break up, but only one way to stay together. We must choose each other everyday, because love is a choice that serves us both as individuals and as the partners we strive to be. 

Day 4: #30GratefulDays | Word of Mouth

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Do you enjoy public speaking and listening to true to life stories? I do, and last night, I was privileged to be one of the speakers for Word of Mouth. It is a monthly gathering of storytellers and friends who are asked to observe a "no judgement" rule. The topic of the evening was "Modern Romance", and I spoke about my tendency to join workshops and realization that my return to traditional crafts has helped me focus on face-to-face love. I depended less on technology and focused on loving myself more in order to be able to share that love to others. It was freeing to tell my story even if I am not really the typical heroine in usual romance settings.

What made the night special though was listening to the other storytellers. It was refreshing to unplug from the mundane and simply appreciate the sincerity of their personal love stories and perspectives. Not to mention that the coffee at the venue, Cool Beans, was comforting. It was a relaxing and intimate evening of genuine human connections.

Word of Mouth is something I like being part of, whether as an audience member, a speaker, or online follower. I admire how the people behind this movement has brought together various storytellers in order to broaden our mindsets and open our hearts to the different facets of humanity. It is here that I have met the most honest people and have been moved by the rawness of each sharing. I look forward to more Word of Mouth nights and hear more stories without judgement and reservations.

Fluffy Love

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Yesterday was a fun-filled day for me and A. We attended the third anniversary bash of Barkin Blends, the first dog cafe in the country. We had an amazing time because it was a Harry Potter-themed event! We were personally welcomed by Bernadette, the entrepreneur behind the cafe, who outdid herself this year. All her dogs are adorable, friendly, and trained to entertain guests. Whenever I can drop by, I make it a point to hang out at the cafe and have a cuppa with my favorite dog Ella, who is a chiweenie. If she is not in the cafe, I spend time with the other dogs and they do cheer me up when skies are gray and whenever I just need some fluffy kisses. ​I tried visiting a cat cafe before but it's just not the same. I'm a dog lover through and through, and I am very happy that Barkin Blends has become a haven for human floof fans who cannot have pets of their own.

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I attended the weekday mass today at a new chapel near my place. It was serene and calming, and I was glad to have spent my time with the Lord. The closing song was "Give Thanks", and it struck a chord with me. These past few weeks have been challenging as I am still unemployed, but if I will maintain an attitude of gratitude, then my perspective will be more accepting and positive. I later had a snack at Dunkin Donuts. I may not be able to afford expensive meals for now, but I am capable of treating myself. Having me time after my Sundate and prayer hour is uplifting. I should do this more often so I can keep my priorities and plans in check.​

Who knew that a few hours with loved ones and the Lord could jumpstart my week? I'm stoked to carry on with whatever life will throw at me this week. For now, I am enjoying my coffee and solitude. ​

Communicating with Guys

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I am in a stable relationship with A. We have worked out our issues through counseling and we have discovered that building our life together is not a one-time deal. It is a journey that constantly needs care, attention, and mutual respect. While we are not married yet, we are both improving ourselves. I am fond of reading books that resonate with me, either through self-help or inspiration. These books provide the perfect balance to my fictional novels which make my life interesting and colorful.

Last week, I bought this affordable book at Nationals Bookstore. I was browsing through it when I realized that it is the ideal book for me. I am not daydreaming that A should marry me right this moment. Rather, I know that like any working relationship, we need to communicate effectively with each other if we want to grow and mature together.  

I have just finished reading it and it is a goldmine of wisdom for any woman who is in a relationship. I now understand why A tells me that I am a nagger. I believed that I was only asking him to do something, but thanks to this book, I have learned that it is the approach that makes men think that a woman is nagging. Once a man thinks that a woman is nagging or forcing him, he shuts down. In the same manner that when a man makes insulting comments to a woman, she also shuts down. There were many points of interest in this book, and I highly recommend it. It is an easy read and it is a wise investment for your relationship. I guarantee you that it will strengthen your bond and improve how you and your partner communicate with each other.